We celebrate his 10th month (unofficial stats: length 29 inches [still?], weight: 21.5 lbs) on planet Earth with the following horrifying incident:
[this morning]
John: [sniffing] I think he pooped.
Claire: Mm hmm.
John: [hears natural and unnatural sounds coming from baby}: Yeah, definitely pooped.
Claire: Do you want me to change him?
John's internal monologue: Yes.
John's actual voice: No, I'll do it. You cleaned the cat pans.
Here's what I should have said: Yes. Because the baby deposited something in his diaper that was not of this Earth, and had a volume that was larger than the actual baby. After changing him, the following activities were required:
a) the baby needed a bath
b) I needed a shower
c) the onesie, sweatshirt, and socks he was wearing had to be washed immediately
d) so did the diaper changing pad and 400 square ft. of wall-to-wall carpeting
e) the garbage bag, though only 1/8 full, was tossed onto the front porch
f) the baby was tossed onto the front porch*
*considered, but not actually acted upon
After the detoxifying process was complete:
Aunt Megan sez --
ReplyDeleteI do feel your pain ... although our most spectacular poo-splosion did not require carpet cleaning, it did involve an entire suite of bedding AND the mattress, to say nothing of baby, mommy, and everyone's clothes. Antibiotics are our friends, but sometimes have unforeseen consequences ...
Grandpa Chadwick says:
ReplyDeleteRevenge!! You did the same things to us - many times over - and now it is your turn. :-))) But believe me, I DO know what you are talking about, and "I feel your pain." (This quote was used since you were born during the Johnson Administration and LBJ used to start his news conferences that way.
You just can't convince me that someone with THAT face could have done something so bad! :-)
ReplyDeleteGrandpa C.
Well, I guess that helps explain the clarity of the radiant blue eyes.
ReplyDelete