Day Care

We are two full-time employees with a baby. Claire had nine weeks off after the baby was born, and I was on sabbatical and then summer vacation and had a fairly flexible work schedule. Claire went back to work in late June, and we started splitting baby duties. I take the morning and early afternoon shifts while Claire works, then I bring Spud to school and toss him to Claire and I start working. Claire has hopefully finished working with horrifying caustic acids and pointy metal objects by this time of the day and can settle into her office and close the door and work on the computer and keep one eye on the baby. And hope he doesn't scream and annoy our colleagues, especially the ones who are [redacted]. She and the baby go home at 5:00 and I stay at work.

This is how it's drawn up on paper. In practice, every day is different and has a different set of complexities. We have managed to keep the baby alive and healthy and one of his parents has attended to his every need 24/7. And we have managed to keep our jobs afloat.

But it's pretty clear that this schedule isn't sustainable. Everything else in the world besides the baby and our jobs requires our attention too, and we've mostly been ignoring that for 4 months. I have mowed the grass once this summer. I have been watching with great dismay the progress of a horrible mutant weed, possibly from outer space, growing and spreading across my yard over the summer. This f*#@king mutant weed has taken over half of my yard and all I've been able to do is watch it happen (I have managed to kill some of it by covering it with a tarp, which denies it life giving sunlight and slowly, slowly ends its horrible mutant weed life.). The hot tub has giant slugs in it and a bee nest. I'd love to balance my checkbook someday. I don't get any work done in the mornings; when the baby naps, I shower and get dressed and eat lunch and that's about it. And if I go to work in the late afternoon, working a full day means I stay until 10:00 or 11:00 p.m. or so.

John: "I'm home!"

Claire: (looking defensive, protecting the baby, grabs a steak knife): "Who the hell are you?"

John: "It's me, your husband."

Claire: "Husband". (squints) "Oh, yeah, ok."

Now the semester has begun and I'm teaching classes again. They start at 3:30, so we are continuing the afternoon parent swap. I have grad students who are getting back to work and will occupy my time (was I ever a grad student?).

If I don't seriously get to work (full time or more) for the next year or so, I won't get tenure. And we certainly don't want Claire to have to quit her job. She has worked very hard to get Bachelor's and Master's degrees so she could get a job just exactly like the one she has, and in the same department as me. We are so very grateful and lucky that Claire has this job, and she likes doing it. We don't have any financial problems at all since we are both working. If Claire quits, not only do we lose her income, I'll have to pay for her health insurance, so I get the equivalent of a $7,000 or so pay cut.

So: daycare. We'll still do the parent swap, with just a few hours (4 or 5) in the afternoon when we can both be working.

This feels bad. Mostly we feel like we are going to abandon him and let some strangers take care of him so we can get to our jobs and careers. We're also worried about swine flu returning and sweeping through the daycare center like a wildfire (or a mutant weed) and wiping everyone out. We thought that since we had somewhat flexible academic-type jobs that we might be able to avoid this. But we can't avoid the math: 2 full time jobs + baby = daycare. It sucks.