I Love You, Ceiling Fan

Spud began his visual examination of the world several weeks ago, and one of the first things that he noticed was ceiling fans. This makes sense, we suppose, because he's facing upward a lot. Our world is a horizontal one, but his is vertical and upward. He looks up a lot; at our faces from the bouncy chair and the crib and the changing table. I took him outside the other night and he seemed to be looking up at the stars. The ceiling fans are dark-ish objects against a white background, so they're easy to see. He seems to have developed an unhealthy attachment to ceiling fans, however, staring transfixed for long periods. Maybe this is his first hobby. But the sooner we get him staring for long periods at the TV like a normal kid, the better.



His favorite things in the whole world, in order:
1) Mommy's boobs
2) Mommy
3) Ceiling fans
4) Being on the diaper changing pad after a new diaper is installed
5) Bouncy chair spiders
6) Daddy

He's TWO months old! Wow! That means a trip to the pediatrician and his very first vaccinations. Normally 4 are given at this stage, but we are taking a slower road, and got two today and will get the other two when he's three months old. There is a lot of baby vaccine hysteria out there. We aren't really caught up in it, and we intend to get him all of the vaccines. Of course. If one is not taking advantage of 21st-century medicine in a developed nation, one is just a shitty parent. But there's no harm in taking it a little slower and spreading them out a bit. There is mercury and aluminum in the vaccines, in very small amounts. But wouldn't it be great if shots for babies contained NO neurotoxins??? And there are occasional, very bad side effects. I know, I know. Quote the CDC and the studies all you want, but the CDC is required to protect the entire population of the U.S. They do cost-benefit analyses and run complex statistical population models and want to get all babies vaccinated asap. A fatality rate of .01% from a multi-vaccine cocktail is preferable to communicable and curable diseases running rampant throughout the land. We, on the other hand, are required to protect Spud. Period.

He got the Rotavirus and DTaP vaccines today. The rotavirus is an oral, live virus vaccine. I took my college biology courses, but still, the idea of pumping live viruses into our tiny infant makes me nervous. The DTaP vaccine protects against three bacterial infections: diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis (whooping cough). This one was a shot in his thigh. He did not like this (note italics). He looked very surprised, then he looked pissed, and then he shrieked. But he did get a stylish Charlie Brown band-aid.

The latest stats, for those of you keeping score:
weight: 11 lbs. 6.75 oz. (nailing the coveted 50th percentile. Yesss.)
length (we can't say "height" yet, can we?): 24 inches (75-90th percentile!!...I'm thinking big contract with the Knicks).





All of the discussion about vaccinations reminds me of a scene in one of my favorite movies. From the Raising Arizona script I found on-line:

EXT PICNIC GROUNDS

Dot faces Hi and Ed across a picnic table covered with grilled hamburgers, rolls, green jello mold, cooler, etc. One of the younger children sits in the middle of the table,occasionally taking a fistful of jello and flinging it at Hi. The two women don't seem to notice.

DOT: -and then there's diphtheria-tetanus, what they call dip-tet. You gotta get him dip-tet boosters yearly or else he'll get lockjaw and night vision. Then there's the smallpox vaccine, chicken pox and measles, and if your kid's like ours you gotta take all those shots first to get him to take 'em. Who's your pediatrician, anyway?

ED: We ain't exactly fixed on one yet. Have we Hi?

Hi sits stock-still with a stony face.

... No, I guess we don't have one yet.

DOT shrieks.

DOT: Well you just gotta have one! You just gotta have one this instant!

ED: Yeah, what if the baby gets sick, honey?

DOT: Even if he don't get sick he's gotta have his dip-tet!

ED: He's gotta have his dip-tet, honey.

Hi shrugs, then flinches as a piece of jello hits his shoulder.

HI: ... Uh-huh.

DOT: You started his bank accounts?

ED: Have we done that honey? We gotta do that honey. What's that for, Dot?

DOT: That-there's for his orthodonture and his college. You soak his thumb in iodine you might get by without the orthodonture, but it won't knock any off the college.

Hi sits stoically. DOT is looking offscreen:

DOT: ... Reilly, take that diaper off your head and put it back on your sister! ... Anyway, you probably got the life insurance all squared away.

ED: You done that yet honey?

DOT: You gotta do that, Hi! Ed here's got her hands full with that little angel!

Hi (dully): Yes ma'am.

DOT: What would Ed and the angel do if a truck came along and splattered your brains all over the interstate? Where would you be then?

ED: Yeah honey, what if you get run over?

DOT: Or you got carried off by a twister?